


two demons and a pope enter a supermarket...

by peanutbrain



Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Demonic Ghouls, Gen, Grocery Shopping, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26341666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peanutbrain/pseuds/peanutbrain
Summary: In which Alpha visits a Walmart for the first time, Papa III is a literal twelve-year-old, and Omega is the one with brain cells.
Relationships: Fire Ghoul | Alpha Ghoul & Omega | Quintessence Ghoul, Papa Emeritus III/Omega | Quintessence Ghoul
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	two demons and a pope enter a supermarket...

“This is ridiculous,” said Alpha, inspecting a giant box of some sugary cereal. “Why do these people make everything sweet?”

Omega watched his fellow guitarist shudder in disgust and put the box back down onto the shelf. Then he shrugged and returned his attention to the shopping list. Written in Sister Imperator’s small, messy handwriting, it was barely legible against the yellow post-it note. 

“And why is everything so  _ big ? _ ” Alpha spoke again, passing by Omega as he walked along the aisle. “One box would last the seven of us ‘till the end of the tour. And only Air eats this stuff!”

“Sister eats those, too,” Omega told him, eyes flicking between different brands of cereal. “Besides, the longer it lasts, the less shopping we’ll have to do in the future, right?”

Alpha just huffed in response, stopping by their shopping cart, arms crossed over his chest like he was preparing to throw a tantrum. He watched in silence as Omega finally located a box of plain corn flakes, picked it up and carried it over to their cart. Then he looked at the list again and narrowed his eyes. What the heavens was  _ that  _ under cereal? Was it even in Swedish?

“You don’t do this often, do you?” he asked Alpha without looking up, sensing the other ghoul’s mood turning sour. He needed a distraction.

“I do sometimes,” Alpha said, relaxing momentarily. “My mo—I mean,  _ this vessel’s _ mother likes to take me along with her. But it’s different, back home.”

Back home.  _ Of course, _ Omega thought to himself, glancing up at the other guitarist. He had some semblance of a life, back in Sweden; an identity to maintain, a taste of what it was like to be human—but it was a limited perspective, centred around the Abbey and one small town. He had never travelled without the band, and he’d never before had to run these kinds of errands when they were on tour. No wonder then, Omega realised, that he felt like a fish out of water in a gigantic Walmart in downtown Philadelphia.

“We only need a few more things,” he said, aiming for a comforting tone, “then we find Papa and we’ll be on our way.”

He saw Alpha look around like he only just remembered there was supposed to be a third person with them before he focused his attention on the shopping list again. Was that supposed to be “rice cakes?” Did anyone even eat those?

“Where is he, by the way?” asked Alpha, sounding slightly confused. 

An old lady passed them by, pushing her cart with slow determination as she eyed the two masked ghouls with suspicion. They watched her go in complete silence, like the statues they were meant to resemble, then turned to face each other again once she disappeared behind the corner. 

(Omega had to admit: there was something immensely satisfying in scaring the bejesus out of unsuspecting passersby.)

“He said he was going to check out the bargain bin,” he answered after a beat.

“If he shows up with another  _ Bee Movie _ , I’m going to murder him,” Alpha said angrily, no doubt reliving the experience—there was nowhere to run on the tour bus. Then he shook his head and gestured vaguely at the post-it note in Omega’s hand. “So what’s next?”

“I think there’s only one  _ Bee Movie _ ,” Omega murmured absentmindedly, scanning the list again until he spotted something he could actually decipher. Then he looked up at Alpha, putting the piece of paper back into his pocket, and moved to grip the handle of their cart. “Rice cakes and crackers. I think we passed by those earlier, c’mon.”

  
  


—

  
  


With the cart packed full of snacks, soft drinks, and instant noodles, the two ghouls slowly made their way through the labyrinthine supermarket aisles, looking around. Having found everything from their list, they were only missing one thing.

And that was Papa Emeritus.

It was predictable, really, that he wouldn’t be where he said he would. Omega knew he should’ve expected it. It wouldn’t even be the first time that idiot had wandered off without a word—and maybe that was why the ghoul wasn’t worried. After all, Papa stood out a mile in his black-and-white suit and skull make-up. And there were only so many places in this Walmart he could go.

They checked the candy aisle first. It was empty, save for a couple of kids that stared at them open-mouthed as they walked past. Then they double-checked the crisps aisle, but Papa wasn’t there either. Even the spirits aisle was a bust, to Omega’s surprise. Circling back towards the bargain bin, he was becoming mildly annoyed. 

Beside him, Alpha was almost buzzing with irritation. 

When they finally found the anti-pope, it was in the home decor area. He was clutching a giant bag of Doritos with one arm and holding up his smartphone with the other, cackling to himself like a maniac. There was a Walmart employee standing nearby, staring at him with a mix of confusion and resignation that Omega knew very well.

As they came closer, he could see  _ why. _

On the shelf in front of Papa were three rows of decorative letters, arranged, no doubt, by the anti-pope himself.  _ SEND NUDES, _ was spelled out on the top shelf.  _ HAIL SATAN, _ said the middle one. The third one only formed one word:  _ DESPACITO. _

Omega had to stop himself from facepalming. He knew he shouldn’t be surprised. After all, it was so typical of Papa, this particular brand of mischief and dumbassery that should  _ not  _ have been as endearing as it was.

Omega heard Alpha snicker. He let out a sigh.

“Is that a C?” asked Alpha, pointing to the "u" in the word “nudes.”

“I had to work with what I had,” Papa replied, grinning proudly, putting his phone back in his pocket.

“You shouldn’t wander off like that,” Omega said sternly, “we’ve been looking for you.”

“And I knew you’d find me,” Papa said with a wink as he skipped over to the cart, leaning in to look at its contents.

His arm brushed against Omega’s and the ghoul felt his heart skip a beat.

“Is that all?” the anti-pope asked, throwing his pack of Doritos onto the heap of snacks already inside the cart. 

“It is,” Omega said, eyeing him cautiously. “Are you done?”

“Mhm. Checkout’s this way, yeah?”

And without another word, Papa turned on his heel and marched off, swaying his hips, leaving the two ghouls staring. Or, well, at least one of them was.

Omega flinched when Alpha stepped closer to him and chuckled softly. 

“I have no idea what you see in him,” he said, clearly amused. 

Omega felt his face heat up under the mask and his grip on the cart handle tightened.  _ That's the thing, _ he thought, looking at the anti-pope’s retreating form. That was exactly the thing.

Because neither did he.

“C’mon,” he said and started walking.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by a screenshot of a tweet I saw on Pinterest ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> I know 'Despacito' came out when Omega was no longer in the band, but hey, it's fiction, yeah? Next stop... an American Ikea!


End file.
